Articles · Misc · Uncategorized

Space alien- on loosing your sense of purpose+direction

30/07/2018- This post was written two years ago when I was working before uni and I thought that this would be interesting to post now, at age 20 when I have just completed my first year of university studying illustration and I am about to start the second year in September. It’s a bittersweet post overall because I was so low then, when  I wrote this and now I am studying something I love and I’m much happier in comparison. I haven’t edited this at all so its more of a diary entry than a blog post so excuse some of the phrasing and words.

Year 7. I had a very clear path that I was going to follow. College, University, Designer.

That path is still evident now at age 18, however I have discovered that one job is not enough for me. I have way too many interests, all of which I want to persevere with. Maybe not all as a major profession but there is no way I’m letting them fall through the cracks all the same. With all these interests, one can’t help but wonder if the path that I’m following is the right one.

Said path has taken a pit stop at the moment, as university is expensive af and I don’t have a lot of money (she says as a £29 pound jumper is being shipped tomorrow.) so a year long apprenticeship seemed like a good idea. Which it still is I think. By working in admin for a year I have a fall back plan if things go to shit creatively (a girl gotta eat) and by working for one company for 1 year shows to employers that I am committed and experienced.

However, part of me does wish that I hadn’t. Working in admin is hard. Watching your friends have fun without you is somewhat harder. Part of me feels like I’m missing out on the fun even though it’s still going to be there next year. Not to mention repetitive spreadsheet typing is s o u l  d e s t r o y i n g.

Admin has it’s pros- experience and tech savvy skills. However, 3 months in and I’m counting down until my contract ends. Not because the job is shit, on the contrary it is pretty good. Nice colleagues, no dress code, not having to stand up all day and smile constantly…it’s just not where I want to be.

It is the exact feeling I had towards the end of college, where everything seems too much and I just want to curl up and cry all day (admittedly, I have done this a la mental breakdown in the car on the way to work because I really can’t phone clients). Work is boring but what makes it worse is being so close to the next ‘chapter’ but unable to read it.

Last month undoubtedly was the worst ever. I woke up sad, I went to work sad, I left sad. Everything dragged and a two tonne weight was sat on my chest at all times. It took all my energy to get into work let alone function like a normal human being and talk. 9-5:30 felt like 6am-11pm and I counted down seconds like hours. Nothing was keeping me motivated.

Seizing the few days I felt happy helped a lot because I slowly worked on my hobbies and using them as an incentive.  I flooded my social media with artists and creators whose motivation rubbed off on me and I started inktober. Giving myself a sense of purpose and status motivated me to use my evenings and breaks in a creative way which mentally was a distraction to my job. It made me feel like I was working towards something great and slowly my ideas started to come back.

In terms of what I want to do, I’m still confused. There’s so much on my list of goals which I can’t even bring myself to write down, but by slowly rekindling my creativity which washed away with the tide, I feel like I’m a step towards achieving them all at a later date.

 

awards · Misc

The Liebster Award

Hello! How are you all today? If your one of the many people who (like me) picked up your AS/A Level grades yesterday, I hope you got the grades you wanted and celebrated!

Back to the post, I was nominated by the amazing Rebekah from Moments of a Mermaid for the Liebster Award which promotes new bloggers and introduce them into the community. Its a great way to find your footing as a blogger and make lovely friends along the way! This is the first award I’ve been nominated for and I’m flattered to be chosen as one of Rebekah’s 10 blogs! Thank you!

The rules are simple;

  1. Once nominated, make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you.
  2. Include the LEIBSTER AWARD sticker in the post too.
  3. Nominate 10 other new bloggers that have 200 or less followers who you think are worthy of this award. Let them know they have been nominated by commenting on one of their posts. You can nominate the person who nominated you.
  4. Answer the 10 questions asked to you by the person who nominated you and make ten questions of your own for your nominees.
  5. Lastly, copy these rules in the post.

I have decided to nominate…..

And here are the questions!

  1. Supernatural or Sherlock?

I’m more emotionally invested in Sherlock than Supernatural. Sorry Dean.

2. What is your favourite lipstick?

At the moment my MUA lipstick in shade 9 which I wrote about here. It’s a cool brown/gold colour which I’ve never used before and it isn’t dry at all. It also lasts a long time too!

3. If you can have any job in the world, what would it be?

Any job? A detective was the first thing I thought of and wasn’t at all influenced by the first question at all. Not at all.

4. Where is your favourite vacation spot?

I don’t really go on holiday but I where I live there’s a castle and its nice to just sit in the field and do nothing all day with my friends. Which sounds boring, but it’s not. Honest.

5. Have you ever met someone famous before?

Only in my dreams.

6. What do you love most about blogging?

I like finding other bloggers who share similar interests, there’s nothing better than waking up to read their new post and chatting to them about it and having the same experience on your post. Knowing that they like and support your content is the best feeling ever and everyone I’ve made friends with so far is a lovely person with an equally amazing blog!

7.Who is your favourite musician/band?

I’m a diehard BAP fan, it’s where the ‘mato’ from mashmato comes from 🙂

8. If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Pasta! I don’t know why, it’s the first thing I thought of.

9. What is your favourite candle scent?

Vanilla or rose!

10. What do you do to relax?

Tumblr, drawing and sleeping.

And here are my questions!!

  1. If you could dye your hair any colour for one day, what would you choose?

2. Are you a sweet or savory person?

3. What was your dream when you were younger?

4. Has your dream changed/been achieved?

5. What is the best book you’ve ever read?

6. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you use social media?

7. Where do you see your blog in 10 years?

8. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

9. Are you an optimistic or a pessimistic person? Or a mix of both?

10. Do you take ages to do your makeup? How long?

Thank you again to Rebekah for nominating me, the questions were so fun to answer and it made my day! To my nominees, I hope you like the questions and have fun answering them! I love your blogs so much!